Kyle XY

The thing about successful drama serial is that they really suck you up with tremendous amount of energy and devotion like a drug addict. From Felicity, Sex and the City to my recent indulgence, Kyle XY. I had spent the whole weekends watching non-stop from morning till night till the drama ends with a big question mark, leaving me with anxiety and anticipation of how it is going to end?

The first time I came to know Kyle XY is during my KL trip, when browsing the diverse variety of pirated DVD movies, I was caught by my name, Kyle with an additional XY on a cover of a boy with no Belly Button. You see, Kyle is not a common name in Singapore but it is pretty regular in U.S. It’s just that nobody can pronounce my name correctly without getting their tongue tied. They will make up a few weird alien sounds from my name that it’s good enough for a title to any cyberspace movie or foul Hokkien language. At first, it’s till to my narcissism that intrigues me to the drama, but after channel 5 show it on a surprising Sunday afternoon. The life of a boy with fulls of curiosity to this world mesmerize me. Thus I decided to purchase it during my Krabi trip with my NAFA chums. That’s why I am stuck on my weekends catching the season 1 and 2 of Kyle XY without realizing the strong attachment I’ve for the drama serial.

I’ve attached myself with a lot of good old friendship and not to mention the relationship I’ve with my mum but as I grow older, I’ve discovered I’m deeply discourage with meeting new people and bonding new relationship. It’s just that the friendship you’ve bond that once fill you up with joy becomes a betrayal, the kinship or at least the family you’ve lived for the rest of your life becomes your enemy and the person you once love turns out to be a total stranger. I can’t help but wonder if I have become too attached to people? If so, is it a good thing or a bad thing? Have we also lost our attachment to those people whom once hurt or betray us that discourages us to open up and develop new relationship?

I remember mister B once said:

From attachment springs grief,
From attachment springs fear,
For him who is wholly free from attachment,
There is no grief, whence then fear?

Personally, I’m too old and heart broken to overcome another failed friendship. I might be despondent but my heart tells me that I’m happy and content with the relationship I’ve with my friends, colleagues and family for now. I know it’s not sensible but I’ll try to restraint myself from developing new or useless relationship. At least for now, let me attached to my favorite drama, Kyle XY for solace…

Happily ever after…ever ever after? หนูน้อยหมวกแดง

Last Friday, I met one of my distressed friends, WB for dinner. Instead of cheering him up and offering my five cents worth of advice in life, he zealously recommend this extremely hilarious and life enlightening movie, ENCHANTED to cheer me up?

The story goes like this…A princess to be was pushed by the devious queen to the world where happily ever after do not exist. Guess where? It’s the earth where you and I live.

After watching the movie, I can’t help but to wonder has Fairy tale lost its existence in our world? If it’s true, what will the real fairy tale be like? Cinderella discover her beloved husband is having an affair with the less than enthralling chamber maid or Sleeping beauty is faking orgasms to make the prince happily ever after…

As men decided to abandon fairy tales for “Balls” (any kind of balls you can think of :), Is love becoming secondary in our life as we pursue on sex, fame and fortune? Perhaps the only fairy tale that we should believe in is the red ridding hood that had been devoured by the devious wolf. Don’t believe in the sweet nothings and romantic gestures that the wolf disguise easily as what comes later might be severely damaging or psychotic.

I know I’m cynical but instead of thinking “Happily ever after”, let’s just hope for the best and prepare for the worst and be present in every moment cause nothing happens by accident, everything happens for a reason…

what's there not to celebrate?

In Singapore, you either look for the perfect job, perfect house or the perfect relationship. What’s not perfect is that if you’re single you’re bound to be discriminated. Let’s see, when you are in a relationship, you celebrate Valentine’s Day, when you’re married, you celebrate wedding anniversary but when you’re single, what do you celebrate about? Congratulations on your break up! You’re now single! It’s so unfair that as a single on my 27th year. I’ve learnt that the perfect relationship starts with you first. If you can’t handle your own emotions then forget about loving somebody. Besides, Statue of Liberty is a single celebrating his own Freedom in New York. We singles celebrate our own independence, freedom and which movie to watch? I know once in a while everyone needs someone to share, listen or for some people to have sex with but why can’t people accept the fact that a person can be alone, perfectly well to celebrate his or her own single hood.

Seriously, I’ve been a single for 27th year. Did I say 27 again? I’m getting old. I catch a movie on my own. I eat on my own. Okay! Don’t you dare think that it’s pathetic. I can read your mind. Once in a while, I can have a hot date. She is as hot as Tom Yam Kung (Soup), as delicious as Phad Thai and as sweet as the Thai Ice Tea. It all happens unexpectedly last year during my birthday. I’ve been dating her for two years. Although I don’t usually hang out with her often but once in a while, it’s an amazing experience not to forget. The best thing about this great date is that there is not expectation of what to say, what to wear and not to mention what not to embarrass. There seems to be a mutual understanding between her and me. It’s not contrived and is full of surprises. Who am I dating with? It’s the city of angels, Bangkok. I think it’s getting serious. What’s serious is that I don’t feel lonely about it. I travel and discover a whole new me. I enjoy the quality time I’ve spent with myself that can’t be achieve by another person or lover. What’s so bad about single hood? Is it because I can’t find happiness within myself that I need someone to complete me?

Just imagine staying in one of the guest house in Khao San, eating a small piece of blueberry cheese cake with a cup of Lipton tea, sipping my tea and typing this blog. I can’t help but to indulge that kind of solitude that I have. Instead of caring how people look at you and misjudge you. For all you know, it’s my right to be who I am and it’s my only right to embrace my single hood. Unless I'm wrong, which would be unusual for me...

Something never change...Some people will always remain the same..

I’m a reflection of your bad behavior especially to people who get into my nerves. I’ve learnt that egoistic or unreasonable barbarians will never see their true self and the only way to piss them off is to react the same way as they are, perhaps to me I’ll be a little sardonic but who can blame me as I’m born under the moon sign of Scorpio.

I dislike capricious attitude especially when the peaceful and serene surrounding doesn’t revolves only for you. Not too mention, when respect should be earn in front of the sage. Saying one thing and reacting in another through body language is the utmost unconvincing lie. Who needs to blink an eye? The more you do it, the more it feels like a temperamental spoiled brat. Thinking as a noble, sacrificing your dignity makes me feel like self pity. When you want to preserve the harmony that you hope for, it’s best not to mention anything at all as you never know what kind of trouble you've stired. It’s palpable to see something never change and some people in this world will always be childish…

Relax, Take it easy…

There is a song by MIKA, in the chorus he sang “Relax….take it easy” That’s exactly the kind of Thai expression. What’s amazing every time I visit Bangkok is that you’ll always unravel a whole new personality of the Thai people. They don’t fret over little things like being late or someone is late. Their nonchalant kind of attitude makes me feel that they know how to enjoy and appreciate life and live in the moment. Nothing seems to bother them. You can’t change the situation by stressing yourself out when you’re caught in a traffic jam. That’s what I feel. Everything does serve a wonderful purpose and the only way to find out is to move on and discover. I might not be a Thai but I feel like I know Thai people a little better. What’s more, who can smile politely and thank you sincerely when you had bargain and ask for a 50% discount on a T-shirt! For all I know, I love Thailand more than ever before…

Free Burma!

An overseas exchange

During my stay in Krabi, I came across this magazine, WHERE, where the editor profoundly wrote her introspection that resonates my affair with Traveling.

"Travel changes you. And there's more to it than just seeing sights; if done wrong it can transform you and your perceptions, it gives you an understanding that goes deep. There are always travelers on a schedule or an itinerary, with a to-do list. Sure, make a list and see every touristy sight worth seeing, do all the things tourists do, but let it be a meaningful exchange. Don't just see the sights. Take back with you not just beautiful pictures but an understanding of the cultures you have unravel. Let your travels broaden your horizons and not just provide you with a topic of conversation...

My Fav Thai Song

Habit

I changed my mind today and decided that I'm nothing like I was yesterday...so I'm thinking about it. Here are some clues: I laugh out loudly - but actually I'm always fighting a wee shyness. I'm a free spirit with a knack for dancing, designing, goofing off and imaging as someone I'm not. I don’t want to be loved because I know I need love. I’m afraid to love because I know I might enjoy being hurt. I know I’ll enjoy being hurt because I covet for something that’s not mine or else why yearn for. I like freedom but don't want too much or else there could be hell to pay cause even in my irregular schedule and fiery idea. I'm really just a gentle creature of my ever changing habit...

Sick and Tired

I’m sick and tired of;

pursuing what I never once had
angry with situation that I didn’t cause
clients that don’t make payment promptly
a friend that I’ve know for a while that is money driven
acquaintances I’ve known online that are sex driven
designing while thinking of traveling around the world
thinking that one fine day I’ll be successful
anarchy around the world
what’s right and wrong
people misjudging my words and thoughts

At last, I’m so sick of tired of being sick and tired as I’ve decided to let go of all my pre conceptions of what’s mine and what belongs to others.

The best things in life are free...

In my days, children were brought up watching shows like Sesame Street and playing with My Little Pony. Those were the happy times, times when everything is easier and a little innocent. Even then, we’re fascinated with the Ninja Turtles, Turtles that eats pizza – No harm in that.

Now, as we grow up, things get a little bit more complicated, okay, it’s underrated, it should be very complicated. We’ve to struggle and find our own means for survival, not to mention the L word, LOVE. Not even Care Bear can help you through your unlimited worries and problems.

After coming back from my Thailand trip, I’ve realized things shouldn’t be this complicated at all. I’ve seen someone on the street selling his craft with strong fervor. That kind of gratifying looks he get from his masterpiece put a smile on my face.

In Bangkok, creativity is everywhere from Chatuchak Weekend Market to Designer Boutique in Siam Square, from Fashion, Graphic to Food. Their creativity never fails to mesmerize me. This creativity comes in a simplest form that perhaps is something I enamour, that simplicity that I need to pursue in life for a balance in this hectic lifestyle in Singapore. The kind of joy that comes without a baggage, imagine when you get a new mobile phone that you penchant and 24 months more bills to come. Now I know why they say Thai people are affable as their happiness comes within themselves.

I sound like I'm going to retire soon. Am I getting old or what? I only reach 27 in three months time. Whatever your age is, I’ve figured that sometimes things are not complicated at all. We tend to complicate things a little further. We do not need to spend money to get another pair of shoe or mobile phone to make us happy. For all I know, the best things in this world are free. You just need to let your heart unravel it…

ใคร ๆ ก็ไม่รักเรา

Dependency, is good only if there is a balance...

I’ve been planning my Bangkok/Phuket trip last year, June and I’m sad to officially announce it has ended on the 14th of August, a blue tuesday. I absolutely agree that all good things come to an end if not faster than I’ve anticipated.

During my absent of these 8 days in Singapore, beside eating and shopping and eating and shopping. I’ve discovered dependency. Not that I’m not independent or lonely that I need company along this Thailand bag packing trip. For all you know, the only thing better than living with my mum is living alone. It’s about the missed calls or email I’ve received during my trip. I can’t imagine some of my friends are so dependent that they’ve to consult my opinions at my self reflection moment. I can’t seem to get away from any phone calls, sms or even emails.

I know all phenomena (and this means us too) come from a complex series of chaotic interdependent causes. Thus nothing really ever disappears. They simply change into other things or other conditions. However, I do feel that there must be some decorousness of having your own mind and opinion and especially when someone is on holiday.

Sometimes I just want to be left alone. I don’t know whether my friend thinks that since I’m forever single and I must be lonely. I can assure you my loneliness comes in the middle of the night when you’re perhaps sleeping and it only lasts for 15 minutes thus I still love to indulge with my own thoughts and yes, I’ve a job and I’ve work to take care.

There is a few times where I’ve changed my mobile number and cut down the so called “friends” I have. I’m not saying that having friends is a burden, what I’m saying is having friends that are less considerate is a hazard. I’m destined to be alone and live alone but at least I’ve a few good friends to depend on. Now, am I dependent?

L-O-V-E

It seems to me that there is a major break-up session going on this July. I can count with my one hand at least 5 of my friends are going through depression produced from the psychotic disease, Love. Love can be magic or perhaps tragic. Recently, after listening to Nat King Cole classic, L-O-V-E. I’ve a feeling that L-O-V-E has a new-found meaning to me…

Thus,

L is for the things I’ve Left behind
O is for the high expectation I’ve Over you
V is Very, Very ridiculous demand I’ve given in for you
E is Even more disappointed than anyone that I’ve ever love before...

Love, that was the end for me and you...

BlackJack 21

Black Jack 21 is a winning formula to succeed in life, at least in my life...


ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it passionately.

TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.

THREE. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.

FOUR. When you say, "I love you," mean it.

FIVE. When you say, "I'm sorry," look the person in the eye.

SIX. Be engaged and live together at least six months before you get married.

SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight.

EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone's dreams. People who don't have dreams, don't have much in their life.

NINE. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.

TEN.. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.

ELEVEN. Don't judge people by their past.

TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly.

THIRTEEN. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?"

FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

FIFTEEN. Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.

SIXTEEN. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.

SEVENTEEN. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and Responsibility for all your actions.

EIGHTEEN. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship but leave your betrayal and judgmental and materialistic friend without vengeance.

NINETEEN. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.

TWENTY- ONE. Spend some time alone.

My imaginary friend

There is an imaginary friend, whom basically lives among all of us. Thankfully, I discovered him two days ago when my friend, JB confides to me about his relationship problems. It comes as a shocking revelation as I’ve always imaging things have been going pretty well between the two of them, if not, a stable relationship where I can see labors of fruit. However, that’s only my imaginary friend’s wishful thinking. This imaginary friend chooses to perceive what he wishes to believe, not knowing the fact that the happiness on his face could be spurring of moment.

Our mind preconceives and develops what we see from the surface. We fail to realize that what we perceives could be delusions. We perceive briefly from a certain situation or expression, believing that if the person is rich, he’ll be happy. If the couples, who seem to be happily married, there should be no infidelity or disagreement…

The imaginary friend is me; he lives within me, inside all of us. If only we can get rid of our preconceptions and discriminating nature, then we are able to see the world clearly and not just by reducing the fumes coming out from the chimneys that remind us of the importance of global warming.

As Mister B once said;

Do not believe in anything simply because you have heard it.

Do not believe in traditions because they have been handed down for many generations.

Do not believe in anything because it is spoken and rumored by many.

Do not believe in anything because it’s found written in your religious books or on the authority of your teachers and elders…

But only after observations analysis when you find that anything agrees with reason and is conducive to the good and benefits of one and all then accept it and live up to it.

I have come to my conclusion that don't envy someone else good fortune cause everyone have their ups and downs. For all you know, perception could also turn into deception…

Life can be beautiful even when it's not perfect...

My friend, WB recently meet up and tell me that he seem to be trying very hard to please his boyfriend and not becoming who he really are and that triggers me that I’ve always been struggling with a few major issues in my life, when I was 13, I’m a repulsive eater. I eat so much that my greatest achievement is carrying over 110kg of fats in my 43 inches school pant. Not to mention, of course the school pant have to be especially tailor made according to my "size". Then come my extraordinary unique Mariah-inspired voice, well, I'm a boy so when my voice sounds squeaky, it certainly makes a few impression and giggles among the girls, thinking why hasn't the voice breaks during the puberty, If it's not bad enough, I've a mole on my chin that you either recall it as Cindy Crawford or sadly to say the later Phua Chu Kang. After revealing all my flaws, which I am not ashamed of it. To this day, occasionally, there are times, people try to imitate the way I talk, commenting that I'm still fat even though I've lost 37kg, or asking me when I'm going to have a mole removal surgery following Enrique's footsteps. Let me tell you this:

Life can be beautiful even when it's not perfect...
Life is beautiful even when I'm not perfect...

If I had one chance to live my life again
I wouldn't make any changes
And if everything turns out
The way I hope it goes...

But I don't wanna think about
What's gonna come around for me
I'll just take it day by day
'Cause it's the only way
To be the best that I can be

I never pretend to be something I'm not
You get what you see, when you see is what I've got
We live in the real world, I'm a real person
I know exactly where I stand

Being someone is hard,
Being yourself is harder

And all I can do is be true to myself
I don't need permission from nobody else
'Cause this is the real world, I'm a real person
I know exactly who I am

And nothing is ever perfect
There's no guarantee
And if I knew the answers
It wouldn't put my mind at ease
So I'll just keep on going
The way I've gone so far
And maybe I'll end up
Trying to catch a falling star

But I don't wanna think about
What's gonna come around for me
I'll just take it day by day
'Cause it's the only way
To be the best that I can be

I never pretend to be something I'm not
You get what you see, when you see what I've got
We live in the real world, I'm a real person
I know exactly where I stand

Being someone is hard,
Being yourself is harder

And all I can do is be true to myself
I don't need permission from nobody else
'Cause this is the real world, I'm a real person
I know exactly who I am

Well, this is who I am
Don't need you to understand
Cause I don't give a ****
Even when I'm not in love
Everything is just how it should be...

Kyle, you're a Socialite!

I've done a personality test from Tickle and I'm surprised how accurate it is...

This means you're confident, dependable, and goal-oriented — and when you make a plan you stick with it. Your natural friendliness and charm mean you're great at meeting people. And chances are you handle this popularity with grace since you take your personal life very seriously.

You are generous with your belongings and see work as an extension of your social life. Sometimes you can also be self-critical and worry too much.

And that's just scratching the surface!

A yellow umbrella

I have a long, slim and tall yellow umbrella. Regardless sunny or rainy days, he also seems to brace himself to face the weather fearlessly. The umbrella as everyone knows seems to keep his vulnerability concealed.

As the wind blows and the rain pours, does everyone feel that he should take care of himself and keep his emotions aside? He should have no loneliness to face, no worries to handle or perhaps what he need is someone by his side through the silent night. Sometimes I wonder, would he wish that the building might be able to save him from the rain? Who would keep the blanket warmth? Does it always necessary need to become a pair to be fulfilled?

As tough as it looks, he’ll always wish that someone might be able to share his sunny or rainy days. I have a long, slim and tall yellow umbrella…and the umbrella is me.

My House

Below is the analysis of my personality based on the way I draw my house;

You are sensitive and indecisive at times. You are a freedom lover and a strong person. You are shy and reserved. If you've drawn a cross on each of windows, you always want to live alone. Once you have a problem, you need a friend with you. Your life is always full of changes.

When it comes to love, you shut yourself off. It's difficult to win your heart because you have decided to keep your feelings deep inside. You have a strong personality and you like to command, influence and control people.

You added a flower into your drawing. The flower signifies that you long for love. We also see that you are sensuous, sexual, and privately passionate. You don't think much about yourself.

My life is not a dream...

I’m not sure how many of you has experience this before, When you go for a holiday, regardless whether it’s a few days in KL or a few weeks in Europe. You’ll feel this emptiness when you step into Singapore. Questions start to pour and I start to ask myself what have I done with my life so far? Where is the dream I’ve for myself? Is it going to be fulfilled? What’s really important now that I ultimately want to achieve?

After my 3 days 2 nights with one rocky night in the train trip to KL with my chum, I’ve finally realized I can never be the 8 - 5 working man, the man who wakes up earlier than his alarm rings, buying a newspaper from NTUC along the way to work, taking the bus 169 to Senoko South Rd, worrying what colors to use for his design and how to please his superior. It’s not that I don’t have the discipline to get up early every morning to work. For all I know I’ve been waking up at 6am everyday for two and a half years in the police force, not once I’m late not to mention on regular MC. I think I must be facing some mid-life crisis or perhaps something less serious, mid year crisis that even Great Singapore Sale in June doesn’t excite me at all.

I figure that there is something that doesn’t seems right. It's not that GSS falls in the right month but it’s about finding the meaning of my life. I now understand why the old lady in Taiwan who insists of keeping so many dogs and not wanting to let them wander on the streets because she doesn’t want to see the poor dogs go hungry and stay homeless. Also, that’s the meaning of her life. The way any struggling artist will tell you, I was born to draw and paint. I might have little money but it’s enough to keep waking up every morning and feel that my life was lived. As much as we keep giving excuses, e.g. financial problems, doesn’t mean we’re not able to live our dreams. I know some of you might disagree with me, saying that it’s a selfish thing to do by putting your responsibilities behind especially family responsibilities and pursue your own dream. What I personally feel is that in order to make your family happy, you should find the purpose of your life, if it means pursuing your own dream. You’ve to pursue your dream and find the meaning of your life first before you can help them to rediscover the greater meaning of their life. How many times have we heard or seen parents always seem to indirectly dictate their children’s dream based on theirs?

Regardless what anyone said, my conscious is clear, I do not need to tell you how much allowances I give to my mum every month or what I got for her birthday or even where to bring her for holiday? What you need to know is I’m planning my life meaningfully in my personal point of view. I would like to do more volunteer where I used to feel that I’m not able to do it alone without the company of my friends. I would like to travel the world and discover what’s in store for me. Don’t ask me where the money will come from, I will find a way out and definitely not involving you how I plan to do so as someone have already chosen to misjudge me. Let me unravel the greater meaning of my life alone for all you know that’s something I can only do it by myself…

“All conditioned things are impermanent and unsatisfactory, -
When one sees this with wisdom, one turns away from suffering,
This is the path to greater meaning in life”

P/S: I especially delicate this blog to Mister B whom left his royal palace and love ones to discover the greater meaning of life, Happy Birthday!

168

168 is not a number that connotes in Cantonese “Richer all the way” or a suspense thriller movie title. It’s actually the bus number I took from Woodlands Bus Terminal to Ikea.

I’ve been doing a lot of silly thing lately. For instance, taking bus from one terminal to another, spending my time on the bus reading my magazine or plainly discovering Singapore…I know what you’re thinking, what a twerp! However, that’s where I discover the bus 168 that brings me to Ikea. It wasn’t until I come across bus 168 conveniently brings me to Ikea that I wanted to make over my bedroom. The last time I design my bedroom was about 10 years ago. I feel like it’s time to make a change. I understand most people are afraid to make change but for me personally, I’m not afraid of what I’ll face, I’m more afraid to get stuck at the same place. I feel like the innate ability of human beings is afraid to make change and start all over. Thus, I question myself, why are we so unwillingly to make change?

I discover the biggest factor is fear. Fear of detaching ourselves from our comfort zone. Take for example our mobile phone, even till now, I can’t understand why most people are so attached to their mobile phone that by losing it literally means the end of the world. They’ll get so confused and lost to the extent that it disrupts their emotions and how they react in this so call unfortunate situation. People who lost their parents through AIDs and not able to have a decent meal everyday is consider most unfortunate. What does your mobile phone contains? Your amateur porn movie??

There is this sudden overwhelming emotion of not able to deal with the truth and make changes. In relationship, we’re often trapped in an unwanted situation. We complain our miserable relationships and yet reluctant to make change. Why? It’s because the attachments that we possess, the weekends you’re with your lover that occupies most of your life, the emptiness you’ll feel once you’ve broken up with your lover. It’s all because of this fear to let go that we build our life more depressing. Starting afresh, I might be a bit lost, I might not have the courage to start from scratch and rebuild my life but I do know if I stagnant myself without making effort to make change, my life will be more miserable. I know it’s not an easy task, I also know that there are times I’ll reminiscing the past. However, sun will always rise and I want to know where my life is heading and how my choice is going to bring me there.

It’s time to start all over again, regardless what kind of situation or pain you’re facing. Letting go of the past as everything happens for a wonderful purpose. How do I know? It’s because I decided to move on and discover it myself. No matter who you're, No matter what you did, No matter where you come from, You can always make change. After all, human being is a series of changes that continue perpetually…

P/S: This blog is dedicated to my 2 chums, a grace period is for you to think about your happiness, and not to dwell or ponder over your attachments.

A little goes a long way…

There is a certain kind of passion that I’m passionate about. It’s not the kind that inspires people to live gratifyingly nor can the kind that develops from your job thus you brag about when you become successful.

It’s COMPASSION. The type of passion where Dalai Lama enthuse in his life and hoping that one fine day all of us can survive with each other happily.

Now, let’s see what causes us to think about compassion; when you loss your wallet including your I/C if not the hefty fine of $300 is going to cause you a few sleepless night, then you think about compassion, hoping that the person is kind enough to return your wallet. How about tripping on the road, hoping that someone will lift you up from the fall instead of giggling and pick up the bits and pieces you’ve dropped. Wait, how about a moment ago during your MRT or bus ride, where you’re carrying tremendous amount of things on your hand, yet no one notices it and keep pushing you to think about compassion, wishing that someone to be considerate as much as necessary to give up his/her seat or maybe leaves a tiny amount of space for you to move.

That’s what perhaps that causes us to think about compassion, when we are suffering. However, compassion doesn’t work that way. Like love, Compassion is selfless, expecting nothing in return. Not to sound like an altruist, I’ve my moments regretting not to give up a seat to an elderly but each and every one of us matters, not just entirely you. Living in this extremely small country, where the price or the level of HDB flat continues to rise. We have to ask ourselves does helping one another makes us live better.

It’s needless to say that it’s a virtue and it does make us live our life more meaningfully. If not, who is going to return the wallet that you’ve misplaced? Not that you’re asking anything in return but isn’t that make your life so much at ease when you realize that there are still a lot of kind souls around. Every little kind act counts and I mean not just the extra coins that you have in your pocket when someone comes up to you with the tin full of stickers.

The world can be a positive and encouraging place to live; there will be no war or detrimental activities. Remember, you can do so much to make an impact on somebody’s life. Love will save the day but compassion can save your life.

What is it that causes us not to think about compassion? Nothing.


“There is no better virtue than a heart of grand compassion;
There is no higher religious than the development of moral wisdom.
Drop by drop is the water pot filled,
A little at a time, wise people can make themselves good.”

- Mister B

Tragedy, anyone?

We hear from the news, we saw the splashy headlines on the paper, but we fail to realize that tragedy could happen to anyone.

It seems like the world is not peaceful enough, the university from Virginia has to shock us with the massacre. Never once we've try to put ourselves into such crisis, imagination makes us believe it's surreal (unreal). It's because we take our safety for granted. We work and sleep everyday thinking that bad things don't happen easily especially not too us. Why must we feel nonchalant to our environment only when bad things start to happen? Why must we wait for tragedy to happen before we regret our own actions?

Seriously, with all the cold blooded and gruesome murder using legally purchased weapons in USA, cautions might be better than prevention. As we can't prevent USA from selling lethal weapons, being vigilant and caution might be the best way to prevent any tragedy. There is no way we can turn back time. Be aware and don't be oblivious to your life and surroundings. Observe and act upon what your intuition is telling you. making a fool of yourself is better than cold blooded massacre.

Best of all, don’t take anything for granted as you don’t know when tragedy will happens. For the friends I've lost, don’t take anyone for granted as you don’t know when you will loss them...

Fairy...Fake Tales?

Do I believe in Fairy Tale?

Recently, It seems like all my chums around me are facing relationship problems. As a single, it should have been the last thing to worry about. However, the reason why I'm still single and the problem my chums are facing in their relationships perhaps are the same.

Since young before we started to learn ABC, the story that our parents read or the cartoons that we watched highly contains the "happily ever after" kind of fairy tales, the kind of story that melts your heart faster than the cheese in your Pizza, perhaps lead us to believe that all the love story including our relationship in our life should comprises all the romantic gestures or ending.

As we grow up, movies like Pretty Woman, My best friend wedding or Notting Hill (No offence, I'm a big fan of Julia) depicts and fills us with the highest hope that someday, someone or "the one" will save us from our pathetic, lonely and despondent nights. My intuition tells me that this kind of hopes and expectations could only exist in the fairy tales or movies. Did you ever think that perhaps we're the white knights in the fairy tales that we have to save ourselves? Do we have to rewrite the fairy tales so as to save the naive, innocent and foolish adults who still believe in it?

How would the story be like?

The prince becomes promiscuous with complaints about Cinderella not able to keep up with his sexual preference or worse Prince find it boring to be with someone so enthralling that he rather have an affair with the less than pretty chamber maid.

What are we expecting from our lover? Instead of worrying that your lover is having an affair. I realize that the biggest problem is to remove our expectation from the movies or drama serials that you've watched crying out loud. If you could do it, happily ever after might seems not so hard to achieve...

Nobody Knows Me - So What!

I've had so many lives
Since I was a child
And I realize
How many times I've died

I'm not that kind of guy
Sometimes I feel shy
I think I can fly
Closer to the sky

I, I sleep much early at night
I feel closer to the light
Now I'm gonna try
To improve my life

No one's telling me how to live my life
But it's a setup until I'm fed up

This world is not so kind
People trap your mind
It's so hard to find
Someone to admire

No one's telling me how to live my life
But it's a setup until I'm fed up

It's no good when I'm misunderstood
But why should I care what the world thinks of me
Won't let a stranger give me a social disease

Nobody, nobody knows me
Nobody knows me
Nobody knows me
Like I know myself

So what!

Nobody, nobody knows me
Nobody knows me
Nobody knows me
Like I know myself

So what!

It's no good when I'm misunderstood
But why should I care what the world thinks of me
Won't let a stranger give me a social disease

I know my life is all been a test
A test that trick us to delude
I'm clear of my life and what I want
I might not pass the test
but I'm sure I've lived my life

Traveling down on this road
People watching the sign as they go
I think I'll follow my heart
it's a very good place to start

And I know the road looks forlorn
but that's just my evil thoughts

I don't want no lies
I don't waste my time
I couldn't take the phony tone
I don't sleep in air-con room
I don't use the shower gel
I don't belong to any group
I don't depend on anyone else

I don't belong to any group
I don't depend on anyone else

Troubled

There are people who spell T-r-o-u-b-l-e-d on their mouth all the time. When you meet these people, every time you hear from them is the winding and complaints about their life and job. There are however another kind of people who keep their troubles to themselves and pretend that everything is fabulous with a capital F. They are fastidious so they can arrange their time when to be moody or happy. When they hang out with their friends, they keep their humor and rambunctious laughter intact thus you won’t recognize it. When they return home, that is the time when they start to remove their joyful mask and store it on the shelf.

I'm one of the latter but I’ve learned to confide my troubles only to a few chums that I trust or addressing my troubles only when my problem has been resolved. There is nothing my friend can do except to listen to my troubles. I truly believe that the only person that can save you is yourself.

All of us have trouble all the times. Regardless how serious it is, we have different ways of approaching it. In life, we always need to have a few close relationships as a safety net, but the truth is in these modern times we are living in, people are impatient of listening to someone’s disgruntlement and true genuine good chums are hard to come by.

People are so interested in themselves, that as soon as they open their mouth, you are getting "What they would do," or worst still judging your ramifications, Not forgetting those “Come on, let’s forget it and go out and have some fun” They are not a good listener and sometimes all you need is someone to listen. It’s hard to find someone who have the patient and understand you as an individual.

Because of these, quality friends are all I crave for now. I seriously don’t need a bunch of friends who are only keen to have fun. Besides, I’m not a clown & I don't entertain...

My favorite Hangout - Bookstore

Brass Brasah Complex, a place where I hang out most of the time and discover a whole new world through books. The best thing about Brass Brasah Complex is that the books or magazines are affordable. From $2 a magazine (past issue) to $5 for a travel guide, you can visit Paris within five minutes by reading a travelogue or be at the runway where the models flaunting the latest collection of GUCCI or Prada.

By saying this, it makes me feel like a nerd. However, being extremely curious or inquisitive is not a bad thing. If only we can be like a bookstore receiving people from all walks of life, only people who have the desire to pursue knowledge. I think that is better than clubbing or shopping. Unfortunately, I still can’t keep my hands off shopping at this time but now instead of spending more money on clothes, I spend it on books. I must at least buy a magazine or book whenever I visit the bookstore.

I’m addicted to visiting the bookstores (any bookstore) that my friends used to complain my usual itinerary is to visit Kinokuniya first and then to Borders. There was a time I was so disappointed when I found out there isn’t any proper bookstore in Brunei. (I used to work in Brunei for a period as an Art Director.) Thus, you can see how bored I must have been at my world without books or magazines.

I told myself that I wouldn’t want to loss that sense of curiosity. It would be the end of my world. As a single I seriously don’t know where to hang out and without curiosity we won’t constantly upgrading ourselves. okay, it's time to buy a bigger bookshelf...

“The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.” – Ellen Parr

Happiness satisfy my hunger

This is exactly what my chum, nie had told me. We wasn’t really on a diet, however whenever we get to meet each other, this time round including Ros and ling, we’ll get all rowdy and rambunctious. It seems like a few strips of turkey bacons and hash brown balls from BK can last me the whole day.

This kind of simple joy reminiscing the fun we had back in Secondary schools is hard to come by especially I’m now leading a monotonous life which I try to control my emotions by not getting too overly happy or excited. Ros whom I had previously mentioned in my blog that she is recovering from her depression turns out to be such a joy to hang out with. We even got the cheapest deal in Ang Mo Kio hub. I got myself a vintage looking bronze frame watch and nie bought a gold pleated tube top which by the way looks amazing on her. I’m not going to reveal the price as all my friends know I’m always digging the fabulous bargain.

This inspires me to become a merchandiser and perhaps I’ll rent a stall in Zouk flea market on last Sunday of the month, selling my used clothing and in response turn my profits into a charity fund, maybe it’s not a lot of money but with my friends support, we might be able to do something and contribute to the less fortunate. It’s better than selling to Salvation Army where they sell their used clothing by weight. I can also design a nice poster and customize into an email and publicize to all my friends.

This might makes me more happy thus I’ll eat less and loss weight….:)

Emancipation with Ah Bu

A bit of chaos and uncertainty today but there is no reason to believe that the near future will be unrewarding because I’ve made a choice. I’ve quitted my job in Coca-Cola and hurdle to Super Coffeemix. There is a lot of reason why I made that decision, even though at times my surrounding makes me feel like I’m impulsive. There are lots of rumors that I’ve heard about Super Coffeemix which thankfully turns out to be untrue. I guess for me it’s the prospect in Super CM that entices me to make this decision.

First of all, no offence to anyone, I personally don’t think the company’s image and the packaging design are well-established yet. Thus, I would love to take this opportunity to revolutionize the current look of Super Coffeemix and expand their existing customer database and region to sell their products.

As a designer, it’s gratifying to see a revamp from something ordinary to world-class status. The satisfaction from the achievements you’ve received is far better than your monthly salary. Rather than staying in Coca-Cola where Coca-Cola will always be Coca-Cola, I’ll take up the challenges and the unknown and do something great with it.

The current situation is challenging the old order, and my position in the next phase of the development. As a team leader, I’ve to supervisor 3-4 junior designers with great diligent. I want them to open up their mind in receiving ideas and constructive criticism which help me to lean towards my expectation for the company. So far, I’ve got the best people in my team. They take initiatives and are co-operative. In the near future, I’ll be able to see if my big gamble will pay off, but this is no indicator that things are going wrong. I truly believe everything serves a wonderful purpose. The only way to find out is to move on and unravel.

This temporary confusion could be a positive indicator that my life is moving in a better direction than I initially anticipated. I’ve also recently started my first lesson in Buddhism studies. Like the teachings in Buddhism;

“Don’t hold on to the past because there is nothing you can do about it. Participate in the present and the future will take care by itself”

P/S: Ah Bu is my name in Hokkien where my mum calls me all the time...

Is single hood a blessing in disguise?

Is it me or is it the festive season that makes me feel like I’m not fully completed?

Somehow or rather I'm grasping the idea that as usual I won't be celebrating the coming CNY as a couple. I don't know how exactly celebrating with your partner would be like but I do know for a fact that I've been celebrating my CNY as a single in my 27th year. I'm 28 years old in actual fact, if you calculate it from the Lunar Calendar. Once again, whenever the festive season is near, I can't help but to think of all the relatives of asking me why am I still single?

As I step into my 27th year single hood, I can't help but to wonder is single hood a blessing in disguise?

Recently, after coming back from my KL trip with my friend Seth, his BF has rented an apartment with beautiful scenery over hanging the Twin towers. The place is amazingly cozy. I’ve realized within the 2 days stay, the ultimate reason why I’m still single is because I can’t live and “complete” my life with anyone else. Take my friend for example, living together makes me open my eyes and discovered how demanding and a control freak I am. I’ve to make sure things run accordingly to my way. I can’t stand people reiterate the same question to me when obviously he’s not listening. I've gotten use of my daily lifestyle and immune to not depending on anyone to shower me love.

Seriously, I'm not even sure if I know what love actually is. Perhaps I don’t know since I’ve not fallen in love before. I know I'm well enough to stay happy, of course the kind of happiness only a single can find... That is good enough not to roll up into heaps of expectation and arguments with perhaps what you’ve perceive is your soul mate. As the “pig” year is approaching, no offence to all the Muslim, should I count my blessing that the reason why I’m still single is the fact that I'm too independent for anyone. Single hood might really be a blessing in disguise for me, maybe now??

If I have no present, how am I able to think about my future…?

Waiting for the world to change...

Marketing, a cult or religious that we consumer obsesses or follow subconsciously. We drink Coke instead of water because we lead to believe it’ll quench our thirst more effectively. Who knows instead of quenching our thirst we drink more Coke and gain more weight! We choose to eat popcorns only when we’re watching a movie. How many times have we thought of eating popcorn as breakfast when actually popcorn is naturally nutritious? We covet the LV bag because it’s supposed to be a luxury item. Who deems it anyway? LV?

We, as a normal ordinary human being never have the tendency to question. Why isn’t the keyboard run in Alphabetical order? Why do man wear tie?

Sadly to say, we don’t question our environment or situation quite often. We tend to obey the conventional or follow the cliché that we fail to rationalize what’s the true meaning of our action. We work blindly because it’s the norm or it has been practice from the past, but what may seem useful from the past might not work in the present.

When I try to question a little further, I’ll always get that kind of feeling from my colleague that I’m being rude by embarrassing them, however I’m trying to understand fully of my action. If someone fails to answer my question, please don’t try to think that I’m bringing you down or humiliate you. If your ego is huge, take a deep breathe and blow it like a balloon until it burst. Don’t patronize me.

If only my colleagues have fewer egos and could spend a little more time thinking out of the box, maybe the celebrity gossip magazine like “HOT”, “OK” or LIFESTYLE” would not be profitable. Anyway, who am I to judge? I would rather spend more time admiring the Gucci bag that I’ve enamored…maybe or maybe the “colleague” of mine one fine day might become a “”””president””””!!!

Answer to the above:

How many times have we thought of eating popcorn as breakfast when actually popcorn is naturally nutritious?

It's hard to believe a snack food that tastes so good can actually be good for you! With suggestions from organizations such as the National Cancer Institute (NCI), the American Dental Association (ADA) and the American Dietetic Association (ADA), there's no doubt popcorn is a perfectly sensible snack to fit into any meal/fitness plan.

Popcorn is a whole grain food which makes it a high-quality carbohydrate source that is not only low in calories, but a good source of fiber.
Popcorn is low in calories -- only 31-55 calories in one cup of unbuttered, and when lightly buttered, one cup still only has 133 calories.
Popcorn has no artificial additives or preservatives, and is sugar-free.
Popcorn contains energy-producing carbohydrates.
Popcorn is ideal for between meal snacking since it satisfies and doesn't spoil an appetite.

Popcorn inspires creativity. While there's no doubt hot buttered popcorn is pleasing to any palate, popcorn also can be enjoyed when combined with seasonings, spices and other foods like raisins, fruit and cheese providing a nutritious, delicious snack.

Why do men wear tie?

In the 17th century wealthy men had lacy collar-bands to close their shirts; some were detachable so you could have a clean collar even if you didn't change your shirt. You tied a knot in the band to close the front or used a decorative pin, and the lace covered the buttons on your shirt. Poor people just had a long strip of material that they tied Ascot style. around the end of the 19th Cent. They became popular when they were first adopted by the British Army, Officer classes as part of their uniform and these people carried the tie with them into civilian life. It became a badge of office in an office, for petty little bureaucrats who had ideas above their station.

Why isn’t the keyboard run in Alphabetical order?

http://home.earthlink.net/~dcrehr/whyqwert.html
http://www.vcalc.net/Keyboard.htm

Don't differentiate ourselves from others!

It’s been a while since I last updated my blog. Trust me I’m still alive. Even though I’m a hermit to be but I’m still intact with the society. I’m back from my company’s retreat at Batam. The resort is serene with a great swimming pool view. Win myself a $100 Takashimaya voucher and really get to know my company even more. I’m glad to mention that I’ll be receiving my additional variable bonus as our company performs extraordinary well. It will be a great enhancement for my Thailand trip this coming August.

Recently, I’ve been intrigued by the teaching of Buddha which make me decided to take up a diploma course from the Buddhist library located in Gelyang. The diploma cost around $240 and if you decided to take the exam, it will be an additional $100. I guess the teaching is philosophical thus no validation needed, as long as I get “enlightened” and use it in my daily life. That’s the greatest gratification I’ll ever need.

Speaking about religious, I can’t help but to realize that in this world that we live, religious war never fail to cease. From my personal opinion, the main reason is because we human being tends to focus too much on the differences. You see, all religious teaches good and it exist for a good cause. To love and not to kill. The main principle of every religion is the same; it’s only the teaching that is covey differently. Every human being is an individual and has different preferences. They search or inspire for an explanation or teaching they are comfortable with and are able to relate.

A good example will be if we focus on the similarities that every one of us eats, sleep and play the same way. Then, we should never differentiate each other from fat, skinny, tall, short, Asian, white, black, and etc…In this way, we’re more open-mined and less judgmental…perhaps then they will be less war and harmony will not be invaded.