I’m not sure how many of you has experience this before, When you go for a holiday, regardless whether it’s a few days in KL or a few weeks in Europe. You’ll feel this emptiness when you step into Singapore. Questions start to pour and I start to ask myself what have I done with my life so far? Where is the dream I’ve for myself? Is it going to be fulfilled? What’s really important now that I ultimately want to achieve?
After my 3 days 2 nights with one rocky night in the train trip to KL with my chum, I’ve finally realized I can never be the 8 - 5 working man, the man who wakes up earlier than his alarm rings, buying a newspaper from NTUC along the way to work, taking the bus 169 to Senoko South Rd, worrying what colors to use for his design and how to please his superior. It’s not that I don’t have the discipline to get up early every morning to work. For all I know I’ve been waking up at 6am everyday for two and a half years in the police force, not once I’m late not to mention on regular MC. I think I must be facing some mid-life crisis or perhaps something less serious, mid year crisis that even Great Singapore Sale in June doesn’t excite me at all.
I figure that there is something that doesn’t seems right. It's not that GSS falls in the right month but it’s about finding the meaning of my life. I now understand why the old lady in Taiwan who insists of keeping so many dogs and not wanting to let them wander on the streets because she doesn’t want to see the poor dogs go hungry and stay homeless. Also, that’s the meaning of her life. The way any struggling artist will tell you, I was born to draw and paint. I might have little money but it’s enough to keep waking up every morning and feel that my life was lived. As much as we keep giving excuses, e.g. financial problems, doesn’t mean we’re not able to live our dreams. I know some of you might disagree with me, saying that it’s a selfish thing to do by putting your responsibilities behind especially family responsibilities and pursue your own dream. What I personally feel is that in order to make your family happy, you should find the purpose of your life, if it means pursuing your own dream. You’ve to pursue your dream and find the meaning of your life first before you can help them to rediscover the greater meaning of their life. How many times have we heard or seen parents always seem to indirectly dictate their children’s dream based on theirs?
Regardless what anyone said, my conscious is clear, I do not need to tell you how much allowances I give to my mum every month or what I got for her birthday or even where to bring her for holiday? What you need to know is I’m planning my life meaningfully in my personal point of view. I would like to do more volunteer where I used to feel that I’m not able to do it alone without the company of my friends. I would like to travel the world and discover what’s in store for me. Don’t ask me where the money will come from, I will find a way out and definitely not involving you how I plan to do so as someone have already chosen to misjudge me. Let me unravel the greater meaning of my life alone for all you know that’s something I can only do it by myself…
“All conditioned things are impermanent and unsatisfactory, -
When one sees this with wisdom, one turns away from suffering,
This is the path to greater meaning in life”
P/S: I especially delicate this blog to Mister B whom left his royal palace and love ones to discover the greater meaning of life, Happy Birthday!
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