Sunday, May 27, 2007

My life is not a dream...

I’m not sure how many of you has experience this before, When you go for a holiday, regardless whether it’s a few days in KL or a few weeks in Europe. You’ll feel this emptiness when you step into Singapore. Questions start to pour and I start to ask myself what have I done with my life so far? Where is the dream I’ve for myself? Is it going to be fulfilled? What’s really important now that I ultimately want to achieve?

After my 3 days 2 nights with one rocky night in the train trip to KL with my chum, I’ve finally realized I can never be the 8 - 5 working man, the man who wakes up earlier than his alarm rings, buying a newspaper from NTUC along the way to work, taking the bus 169 to Senoko South Rd, worrying what colors to use for his design and how to please his superior. It’s not that I don’t have the discipline to get up early every morning to work. For all I know I’ve been waking up at 6am everyday for two and a half years in the police force, not once I’m late not to mention on regular MC. I think I must be facing some mid-life crisis or perhaps something less serious, mid year crisis that even Great Singapore Sale in June doesn’t excite me at all.

I figure that there is something that doesn’t seems right. It's not that GSS falls in the right month but it’s about finding the meaning of my life. I now understand why the old lady in Taiwan who insists of keeping so many dogs and not wanting to let them wander on the streets because she doesn’t want to see the poor dogs go hungry and stay homeless. Also, that’s the meaning of her life. The way any struggling artist will tell you, I was born to draw and paint. I might have little money but it’s enough to keep waking up every morning and feel that my life was lived. As much as we keep giving excuses, e.g. financial problems, doesn’t mean we’re not able to live our dreams. I know some of you might disagree with me, saying that it’s a selfish thing to do by putting your responsibilities behind especially family responsibilities and pursue your own dream. What I personally feel is that in order to make your family happy, you should find the purpose of your life, if it means pursuing your own dream. You’ve to pursue your dream and find the meaning of your life first before you can help them to rediscover the greater meaning of their life. How many times have we heard or seen parents always seem to indirectly dictate their children’s dream based on theirs?

Regardless what anyone said, my conscious is clear, I do not need to tell you how much allowances I give to my mum every month or what I got for her birthday or even where to bring her for holiday? What you need to know is I’m planning my life meaningfully in my personal point of view. I would like to do more volunteer where I used to feel that I’m not able to do it alone without the company of my friends. I would like to travel the world and discover what’s in store for me. Don’t ask me where the money will come from, I will find a way out and definitely not involving you how I plan to do so as someone have already chosen to misjudge me. Let me unravel the greater meaning of my life alone for all you know that’s something I can only do it by myself…

“All conditioned things are impermanent and unsatisfactory, -
When one sees this with wisdom, one turns away from suffering,
This is the path to greater meaning in life”

P/S: I especially delicate this blog to Mister B whom left his royal palace and love ones to discover the greater meaning of life, Happy Birthday!

Sunday, May 6, 2007


168 is not a number that connotes in Cantonese “Richer all the way” or a suspense thriller movie title. It’s actually the bus number I took from Woodlands Bus Terminal to Ikea.

I’ve been doing a lot of silly thing lately. For instance, taking bus from one terminal to another, spending my time on the bus reading my magazine or plainly discovering Singapore…I know what you’re thinking, what a twerp! However, that’s where I discover the bus 168 that brings me to Ikea. It wasn’t until I come across bus 168 conveniently brings me to Ikea that I wanted to make over my bedroom. The last time I design my bedroom was about 10 years ago. I feel like it’s time to make a change. I understand most people are afraid to make change but for me personally, I’m not afraid of what I’ll face, I’m more afraid to get stuck at the same place. I feel like the innate ability of human beings is afraid to make change and start all over. Thus, I question myself, why are we so unwillingly to make change?

I discover the biggest factor is fear. Fear of detaching ourselves from our comfort zone. Take for example our mobile phone, even till now, I can’t understand why most people are so attached to their mobile phone that by losing it literally means the end of the world. They’ll get so confused and lost to the extent that it disrupts their emotions and how they react in this so call unfortunate situation. People who lost their parents through AIDs and not able to have a decent meal everyday is consider most unfortunate. What does your mobile phone contains? Your amateur porn movie??

There is this sudden overwhelming emotion of not able to deal with the truth and make changes. In relationship, we’re often trapped in an unwanted situation. We complain our miserable relationships and yet reluctant to make change. Why? It’s because the attachments that we possess, the weekends you’re with your lover that occupies most of your life, the emptiness you’ll feel once you’ve broken up with your lover. It’s all because of this fear to let go that we build our life more depressing. Starting afresh, I might be a bit lost, I might not have the courage to start from scratch and rebuild my life but I do know if I stagnant myself without making effort to make change, my life will be more miserable. I know it’s not an easy task, I also know that there are times I’ll reminiscing the past. However, sun will always rise and I want to know where my life is heading and how my choice is going to bring me there.

It’s time to start all over again, regardless what kind of situation or pain you’re facing. Letting go of the past as everything happens for a wonderful purpose. How do I know? It’s because I decided to move on and discover it myself. No matter who you're, No matter what you did, No matter where you come from, You can always make change. After all, human being is a series of changes that continue perpetually…

P/S: This blog is dedicated to my 2 chums, a grace period is for you to think about your happiness, and not to dwell or ponder over your attachments.