Happy 2(To) 5(Fight) New year!

For the past six days, I haven’t been able to eat through my mouth, all to avoid food slipping into my lungs and risking an infection. Adjusting to a narrow tube running through my nose into my stomach has been a journey in itself—uncomfortable, yes, but necessary.

At first, it felt strange and awkward, this tube dangling like a penis in front of my face, unsightly and always in my peripheral awareness. But practicality has taken over. I’ve had to adapt in more ways than one: setting strict meal times, as digesting 300ml of a milk replacement meal takes a full two hours through the nose.

Hunger now requires planning because I can’t just grab a quick bite anymore. Preparing everything is meticulous—setting up the tube to avoid air entering my stomach, cleaning the equipment like doing the dishes, and grinding medications into powder with a cute tiny old-school stone bowl and pestle. A chore, yes, but also oddly grounding.

Despite all this, I haven’t stopped to feel sorry for myself. Instead, I’m thankful—thankful that I can “eat” without the agony of swallowing or the coughing fits that plagued me during every meal or the fever that comes with the lung infections before. The discomfort of this temporary setup is nothing compared to the relief it brings.

Soon, with a hard decision to be made, I've decided not to prolong my misery and knowing I can't wait till Feb for my PEG operation as planned. I've decided to proceed on January 8th to undergo the PEG operation in BNH Hospital, Bangkok without insurance coverage (overseas procedure not included). transiting from feeding through nose to directly through my stomach. It’s not the ideal I envisioned, but it’s a step toward making life a little easier.

This new year feels like an unintentional metaphor for life itself: learning, adjusting, and finding meaning in discomfort. Isn’t that what growth is all about? It’s funny how calm I’ve been through all of this—no fear, no panic. I’ve stayed so present, not giving time or energy to self-pity. After all, self-pity can be a slippery slope, and I’ve danced on that edge enough in the past, especially on my birthdays. It’s why I stopped celebrating them entirely.

Read my reflection from my last year's birthday: https://skylet.blogspot.com/2024/11/cake-karma-and-contemplation-true.html

So, what does 2025 hold for me? For now, it’s about healing, adapting, and turning this body into a vessel that can serve better. Each day brings its lessons, and I’m learning to embrace them.

Here’s to a year of resilience, growth, and unexpected blessings. Happy New Year 2025!