First Cry

29 years ago, I cry for the very first time. I'm not sure why, how and where exactly, I just know I have to cry. Not even sure if it's happy or sad. I cried, incessantly. I can't really recall what happen. I do know for the fact that I didn't cry out of self-pity. Every year on this day, I admit at times I do cry for myself, when I love to be by myself. Also, trying to figure how to make me feel better by imaging it’s a special day to celebrate. I guess when things appear to be too beautiful, I'm afraid to look closer, thus it's blury and I can't tell the reality.

So for the past 3 years, I try running away...I travel to Bangkok, I rather not be in the country when I first started to cry I pander to a different culture and environment so that nobody knows me and exactly what this day holds for me, not to mention judge me. I guess, perhaps that's the also first capital of a country (excluding Malaysia as my mum is Malaysian) I've visited that leaves me kind of nostalgic…

This year till to work commitment, I've to stay in Singapore. I even have to meet a client later. I guess crying is out of my option. Instead, I face and live it like every other day. Then, rather than feeling pitiful, my feelings turn to gratitude. Unlike, on this very day, there might be somewhere, someone is crying for the loss of their love ones or lost their home and got abandoned on the streets till to natural disasters. Things could be much worse. I’m thankful. I counted my blessing.

Today, I'm grateful of not crying. I'm truly thankful for the person that gave birth to me 29 years ago and slides a red “Ang Pow” next to my bed, wishes me Happy Birthday early in the morning as she has to go to work before I’m awake…That's my mum and today...is my birthday.


Find out what happen last year.