Change with the Changes

My last day of my India trip was nothing short of a masterclass in surrendering to change. I was tested with multiple changes. I literally mean changes. Changes that disrupt your plan, changes that annoy you and fester you, changes that disturb your peace and your sense of “control.”

The Morning Twist

I woke up to a message from my dear Dharma Sister, a beloved friend I hold close to my heart. She told me I could join a public audience with His Holiness the Dalai Lama. My name had been left off the list previously, but she had arranged it for me.

It sounded like a blessing, but I declined. I had to leave early to reach the airport, which was a five-hour drive, and my flight was scheduled for 3:20 p.m.

Not long after, another message arrived: my flight had been delayed until 8:20 p.m. I paused and thought to myself—was this meant to be? With time now on my side, I decided to stop at His Holiness’s temple before heading to the airport.

A Gate Without a Crowd

When I arrived, a Rinpoche-to-be greeted me warmly. Thanks to my Dharma Sister, he brought me right to the palace gates. But something felt odd. Usually, there would be groups of people waiting eagerly for an audience. This time, I was standing there alone.

After asking around, we learned that His Holiness was in the midst of an ordination ceremony for about 70 Taiwanese monks that day and the next. My heart swelled with joy for them—what a rare and extraordinary blessing to be ordained directly by the Dalai Lama. Though it meant there would be no audience for me, I felt no disappointment at all.

Instead, I was overwhelmed with gratitude—grateful simply to stand within the temple grounds, grateful to meet yet another kind Rinpoche who spoke on my behalf, and grateful for the staff who went out of their way, doing their very best to help me meet His Holiness. Their kindness touched me deeply, and in that moment, just being there felt more than enough.

A Test of Openness

The Rinpoche and security staffs, perhaps moved by my acceptance, tried again. They even took my passport and made another request on my behalf. The outcome was the same.

All the while, I felt embarrassed. Why should these kind beings spend their time on an ordinary person like me, someone with no famous background? They kept apologizing, while I insisted that I should be the one apologizing.

Before I left, the temple staff gifted me mani pills. The Rinpoche-to-be then arranged one last meeting with the young Rinpoche I had met before.

Even without seeing him in person this time, I realized the trip had given me something even more valuable: a mirror to see my own growth. I could feel how much I had loosened my attachments, how I could flow with change without losing my natural state of mind. It was the perfect reminder that true freedom comes when you can change with the changes without changing your "peace" of mind.

Wisdom from a Child

And there he was, the most adorable young Rinpoche, perhaps just seven years old, radiating joy. With a bright smile, he spoke the words that pierced straight into my heart:

“Sorry you couldn’t meet the Dalai Lama, but the true way to see him is from your practice and the work you do for him.”

How wise, and how true. For the past 14 years, ever since I began volunteering at His Holiness’s Asian teachings, I’ve been blessed with countless opportunities to see him up close. I’ve never carried expectations, and I know I won’t feel sad if I never meet him again. He lives in my heart and in the dharma work I continue through Rainbodhis SG. Inspired by his interfaith vision, I’ve devoted the past three years to working alongside our queer Muslim, Christian, and Hindu communities, building bridges of understanding and compassion.

I also wrote a book on Buddhist psychology, created to support the mental well-being of the LGBTQ community, with the hope of bringing Buddhist psychology into the mainstream.

I often think back to my very first trip to India, when the TBC organizers kindly took me under their wing. That journey was not only my first time in India but also the first time I met His Holiness in person. A moment etched into my heart with deep gratitude. Since that meeting in 2009, I’ve been fortunate to have countless encounters and photographs with him, each one a reminder of the blessings that unfold without expectation.

The Bigger Lesson

We don’t choose where we’re born, our parents, our siblings, our height, our weight, or even our gender. So why do we think we ever had full control over life in the first place?

That day, I finally seen through the illusion of having control. I embrace change as it came and found freedom in the release.

A Gentle Goodbye

After leaving the temple, I reached Amritsar earlier than expected. I booked a simple hotel near the Golden Temple for just a few hours of rest. In that short time, I tended to my wounds, fed myself, and even managed a little sightseeing before heading to the airport.

And in that moment at the Golden Temple, I felt it again—that deep sense of freedom, like a kite soaring effortlessly in the sky. Moving through change with the grace of a snake charmer, I found a stillness inside me, untouched and unshaken.

There was no “I” suffering from the shifts of life. The real weight had always been in the illusion of control. Once I let go, I stepped into that vast emptiness where not being in control felt less like chaos and more like the lightness of being unburdened.

On my last day in India, without worries and without expectations, I felt like a kite flying aimlessly until the string was cut. And in that release, there was only liberation.