To Feed or Not to Feed: How I Stopped Feeding My Mind Pity and Started Feeding My Mind Equanimity
I never imagined that something as ordinary as eating would become a distant memory. Since December 24, 2024, I have not tasted a morsel of food, not felt the warmth of a freshly cooked meal, nor enjoyed the simple pleasure of chewing. Instead, my sustenance comes through a PEG tube, a lifeline that keeps my body nourished even when my senses crave the experience of eating. At times, self-pity creeps in like an uninvited guest. The mind whispers, "Look how I'm not going to taste the fried carrot cake again. Look how great it will be if I still can take a bite out of that cake." And in those moments, it's easy to sink into despair, to dwell on what was and what will never be again. But then, I remind myself: what we feed grows. If I keep feeding my mind with with unnecessary, unconducive self-pity thoughts, it will grow like an unkempt vine, twisting and tightening around a tree. No matter how strong or tall the tree may be, it will slowly vanish, entirely consumed by ...
