Can't let go...

Today, I’m mourning on 2 things. One is the season finale of QAF and the other is the lost of a 15 year old friendship. As much as others see me as someone jovial, decisive and strong-minded, I do hold a penchant for holding back and not letting go.

I remember the first walkman that I purchased after receiving my first salary ($632 minus the CPF contribution, I know it feels like such a rip off after the deduction!) working as a pharmacy assistant in Guardian. I’m elated and proud of my newly bought AIWA walkman. Not until someone stole my walkman from the backstage I was performing during teacher’s day 1996. That’s where I’ve realized having attachment to people and things is too much for me to handle. It’s not about losing the walkman. It’s losing the affection that even if I bought another walkman, the feeling of using it will be different. Perhaps I could buy another identical walkman but what can I buy to substitute another friendship. I’ve heard about changes, people change and environment changes. However what I can’t tolerate is my friend misjudge me, misunderstood me, and having a certain personal expectation on me especially when he trash it out on a long list of paper and quote on my blog and interpret it on his behalf. I felt a sense of betrayal and hurt when obviously nobody knows me thus why judge. To extend this matter worse, another chum who knows him begin to start having an opinion that I’m harsh and not magnanimous. When someone chooses not to forgive, it doesn’t mean he is in the wrong. Maybe he is still hurt and not able to forgive yet. What’s more, he should seriously look deep into the matter and unravel first before he starts to judge and defend the other party.

Should I say my friend changes or I’ve evolved? I guess both play a part for the differences. What I do know is that I certainly haven’t let go and forgive…

I’m easy to get along when you don’t know me.
I’m not easy to get along when you know me.